We have a big house.
(There is a story here of God’s faithfulness and redemption, but that is for another time. So, my acknowledgement of “we have a big house” is not a brag or even a complaint. For now, it is a statement of fact.)
We moved into our home when our four children were under the age of seven. It was amazing to have the space (we moved from a wonderful, cozy 1100 square feet) but needless to say, more space meant more room for messes! With the busyness of life, raising four children, homeschooling, keeping up with extracurricular activities (you understand) – tidiness in a big house can quickly get away from you.
In the course of 6 years of living here, my attempts at “keeping up” swung radically from cleaning all the time to just giving up. I created chore charts and failed at enforcing them. New rules popped up every day depending on my latest mess frustration. And, the worst was that I nagged my children and I think fostered a bitterness in them when it came to serving each other in the home.
I remember distinctly that one day I was dusting (I loathe dusting, or ‘undusting” as per Amelia Bedelia) and I had such a bad attitude about it. What popped into my mind was an image of my sweet mother, dusting our home when I was a child. I remember she would be on her hands and knees dusting under tables, picking up each “pretty” and dusting it and carefully setting it back down….all while I was watching TV or reading or doing whatever I wanted. She did it quietly, and I think she may even have been humming a tune. But never complaining. She loved her home.
I realized amid the cloud of dust that I was leaving a memory in my children’s minds, too. I was imprinting a memory of grumbling and distain towards my children’s favorite place in the world: Our home! I also remembered that because of my mother’s influence, it became my conviction to be a “stay at home mom” even when I was an unmarried, career-advancing young woman. This memory crystalized for me that I wanted our children to see me happy in our home so that they too may develop the same conviction to create a happy home for their families.
The point in all of this is that I had to remember what was important. What was important was not a dust-free home (HA- like that is achievable) but it was the legacy I was leaving. My children couldn’t care less if the house was dusted. They want a happy mom in a happy home.
The other point I wanted to make is this: when I was struggling to keep up with my own chores, well-meaning people would point out that I had four children who could do the chores. So, we tried that. But as I said above, I was never good with follow through and while they were young, it just seemed to take too much time to train them when, in that time, I could just have a clean house. (Hmm…take 4 hours to train and discipline and still have a messy house or allow a children’s movie marathon so I could just do it myself and have a clean house at the end? Sometimes short term goals look pretty good.)
But there’s hope! In the last 2-3 years, as our children have matured, they have grown more responsible and I can actually tell you that they are cleaning the house acceptably without too much fuss! And, imagine: I once bought into the idea that because I didn’t give them loads of chores at a young age, I would ruin them and raise lazy, entitled sofa pigs who watched movie marathons every Saturday (according to all those FB parenting posts which are always accurate).
So, young moms, two points: 1/ relax about the mess (understanding everyone has a different threshold of “mess’) and focus on creating a happy home with a happy mama and 2/ realize that one day your happy children (since they have a happy mama) will happily help you keep that happy home. It will come.
Now A Mirror Dimly 