Women and the “Most Diabolical Lie”

Who would have expected that a little college in Kansas could be the source of such cultural outrage? On May 11^th, 2024, Harrison Butker, Superbowl champ and an unapologetic Catholic man, delivered the commencement address at Benedictine College in Atchison, Kansas.  In his speech, he spoke boldly about his convictions rooted in his Catholic faith.  Butker addressed or alluded to many moral hot topics in our culture today, but the one that is getting the most visceral attention are the comments he made about the value of women choosing, as a primary vocation, the role of a homemaker.

I have to admit, Butker’s remarks on the value of homemaking is not what you would typically expect in a commencement address to a graduating class in 2024.  The backlash has been vicious outside this small Catholic community.  His remarks clearly hit a primal nerve.  The response reveals how little value our culture places on motherhood, children and home life.  Being a homemaker as a primary vocation is seen as outdated – even demeaning – and unfulfilling for a woman.  This attitude makes me grieve for the next generation.

As I attend multiple graduation ceremonies this season, I wonder if our young Christian women are prepared for the onslaught of subtle and not so subtle messages that will pull their hearts away from building a Christian home as a primary vocation.  As Christian women, many of us homemakers, how do we prepare our daughters and granddaughters so that they see the significance and beauty of our design and purpose as it is displayed in our vocation as homemakers? 

“Diabolical Lies”

In his speech, Butker says to the women in the audience, “I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you.”  I would summarize his comments in this way: These “diabolical lies” are rooted in the disregard of the value of being a wife and mother as a primary vocation.  To pull back the curtain further, there are deeper lies that have led to that disregard:

• Women are interchangeable to men and that the distinctions between men and women are unimportant,
• The home is a secondary pursuit,
• Self-fulfillment is the highest moral goal, and
• Children get in the way of a woman’s success.

Before a lie can exist, truth must exist.  The Scriptures direct us to what is true about who we are as women.  We must start with what God says about the value of women; we do not need to cobble together a “modern” sort of category that helps us navigate who we are in the 21^st century.  God’s word is sufficient for us to gain a clear, foundational understanding of who we are as women even as the world is changing all around us. 

Truth Defines Lies

Honestly, I wonder how many of us who claim to be Christians truly look to the Scriptures to understand our value.  I’ve read and heard many messages about Creation and fall of man and woman in the Garden as recorded in Genesis 1-3.  It grieves me that the familiarity of that passage can breed ennui or how I so quickly forget who God says I am.  But we must go back to the beginning – we must!  Before we examine the lie, we must first see the truth. 

So, God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Gen. 1:27-28)

God created man and woman in His own image.  He imprinted upon us the image of His character, to reflect His glory and be His representatives in the world He created.  Being made in His image gives all humans worth, dignity, and value.  God gave to both men and women a purpose to steward all the splendors of His creation and the means to subdue it.  It needs to be said again: God’s design for women was never of less value, dignity or purpose than men.

That does not mean we were made without distinctions.  God made man both male and female.  In His wisdom, He made His most marvelous creation – human beings – in two distinct categories, and together, male and female best reflect the fullness of the image of God.  He gave man the primary role of provider and protector.  He gave to the woman the primary role of life bearer and helper.  This is the pattern that He established at the beginning.  It was “very good” and afterwards, God rested from all His work (Gen 2:2).  He was satisfied. 

Yet, are we?  As Christian women, do we draw our identity from this truth?  Are we growing in our contentment of God’s design for us?  Or has the lie taken root that we are somehow less than men or that we can be something other than what we were created to be?  Are we strong in the truth that God the Creator – all wise, all powerful, all just, all good, all truth – got our design right? Or do we think that somehow, He got it wrong?  How we answer that question makes all the difference in how we value ourselves as women and is foundational to the choice we make for our vocation.  It matters in how we model His design in front of the next generation of women.

Lies We Believe

It’s hard to untangle truth from lies.  It takes effort and honesty and humility.  But as Christian women, as we’re sorting it all out through the process of our sanctification, we must be convinced that the source of our confusion of our identity does not come from God.  God does not lie. He is trustworthy.  Therefore, He is able to lead us out of the lies we believe into truth.

Butker’s speech rubbed up against some of those lies that women, particularly American women have protected and coddled for generations.  The first lie is that women are somehow lesser in value than men.  Granted, historically, women have been treated this way – we couldn’t vote, own property, we made less money – are pointed to as examples of a “less than” status.  But instead of leaning into our design as co-equals yet distinctive, we decided to compete with men instead of speaking up and defending the value of our own design.  We fell for the lie that in order to be valued, we had to become like men.  It has left family and homes tangled and disordered.

Another lie Butker’s speech exposed is that the home is secondary to the marketplace or economy.  The family is the first institution God made and within the family, God set a pattern to bring order to the world.  In the home, He establishes His pattern for authority and belonging.  He establishes a pattern for security, love, discipline, virtue and character development.  Sin, of course, has sabotaged His design for this sanctuary and it is no wonder that the Father of Lies seeks to undermine its significance.  What better way to attack God’s pattern then to convince women that their attention and strengths are needed for more worthy pursuits outside the home?  While there is noble work for women outside the home and there may be times when women are financial providers, my point is that establishing and keeping a home is a primary vocation because God values it.  He has bestowed significance on it because it is meant for the flourishing of His image-bearers.  As women, we should give our homes the very best of ourselves. In this way, women flourish as well.

Similarly, we can believe the lie that being a homemaker diminishes a woman’s talents and giftedness which instead should be shared with and lauded by a greater audience than her family.  We can say to ourselves, “Doesn’t God want us to use the giftedness and talents He has given us? Why would he give us this or that if not to put to use?”  Oh, how easy it is to slip into this mud puddle of pride!  When we believe this lie, we puff ourselves up and instead diminish the value of other image bearers: our husbands and children.  With this mindset, we can act as if they are less worthy of our giftedness and talents than someone else outside our homes.  Maybe God has given us our abilities because God intended to provide for our family through us, for their growth and development, not just our own.  As Christian women, we value the laying down of our lives for another, as that is what Christ has done for us.

Finally, and probably the most wicked lie of all is that children stand in the way of a woman’s purpose and self-satisfaction.  There is no doubt that our culture holds children in derision, for they are literally sacrificed through abortion in the name of self-advancement.  Children bear the brunt of “progressive ideas” that disrupt the pattern that God has designed.  We tell ourselves that they are resilient, too young to notice, or they need to be conditioned away from societal norms that are outdated and too restrictive.  The truth is that our homes are meant to be a haven, a place of protection and stability from the outside storms.  A woman using her strength, intellect and ingenuity, turned homeward, is a fierce protector and advocate for the vulnerable.  There is no worthier ground to stand guard. By our stance, a child will know her worth.

Redeeming the Pattern

As a Christian woman, I am concerned that we are launching our young women into a world that confuses their primary purpose and design with an inferior one that seeks to strike at God’s pattern for the flourishing of each generation.  How do we help the next generation of young women remember God’s very good design and purpose for them?

As mothers and grandmothers, we must first go back to the beginning and renew and strengthen our understanding of God’s design.  We examine ourselves to sort out our own confusion, pride and discontentment.  We repent where we need to repent.  We accept the forgiveness and grace that God has so lavishly given us through Christ.  We fortify ourselves with the truth found in the Scriptures to prepare us for the opposition that will come our way.  We pray for wisdom, humility, and help for our own hearts.

We then engage our young women with the beauty and meaning of being a wife and mother.  We show the joys and labors of establishing a Christian home where Christ is honored and love offered self-sacrificially.  We model for them that every energy and talent we have as women is under the sovereignty and lordship of our loving, faithful heavenly Father to be put to His service for His glory and for our and another’s good.  As women, we are to bring life into every corner of our homes and work for its flourishing.  We are to show our husbands and children they are valued and worth the best of ourselves. 

Practically, we show up at bridal showers, we lavish gifts on new babies, we invite young women into our homes, we teach them, we provide wisdom from the Scriptures, we share our own struggles and disappointments, we defend them against harm, and we encourage them to love their homes. 

Our design and purpose is not an outdated construct for a different era.  It is the foundational pattern set out at the beginning to undergird all generations.  How each woman carries out God’s design and purpose for her life is as unique and varied as fingerprints.  God designed us all to have them, but He also makes each set unique.  In the same way, God gives every unique individual woman a role to play within the pattern He has established. As Christian women, we are to help our younger women to turn their hearts towards home for the flourishing of God’s world.

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only – and that is to support the ultimate career. ”  C.S. Lewis